Comprehensing Marriages in Indian Context

Marriages had substantiated merely to the status of an anachronistic petty experience in the occidental corners of globe but scouring for protracted relationships, a person in east is still inundated with trepidations of its fruition/failure and quests for elysian bonhomie in the gamut of marriage per se

Paucity of innovative influx in our Indian society has flummoxed our minds to such an extent that at present we are invigorated just being obdurately jingoistic for a scantily left culture. Unfortunately we assort to a similar act by blindly supporting arranged marriages. But that definitely is not what Indian culture is, we had emanated from a diversified panorama of ideas, a mélange of people from various castes and creeds but having individual freedom of thought as its preliminary tenets. We certainly need to revolutionize to elicit indigenous originality of adapting and assimilating the best

Firstly, let us know what our culture exactly says. As widely and wrongly propagated in west, Indian culture doesn’t endorse tying the knot of two unknown youths seeing each other for the first time only after marriage, at rosily-decorated-beds and that too at night (Suhaag raat as we say it). Peeping into the history, we find that womenfolk enjoyed utmost freedom while selecting bridegroom in the form of Swayamvar and there had been innumerable instances when a girl left her home if she felt that her choices were being suppressed. Infact, Lord Sri Krishna himself motivated her sister to go for Arjun. Similarly, marriage was more of a personal matter and at times, a family matter. Like, Lord Ram didn’t took permission of his parents while marrying Devi Sita and similar is the case with Lord Krishna

Much is said about caste based marriages. We need to ruminate over it as well. In Vedic times, castes were decided by profession. So, it is pretty natural that an intellectual would fall in love with a person of matching genius. Hence just like a Research scientist finds love in his/her fellow scholar who he/she meets every now and then, a pundit used to marry a pundit. Caste may have become obsolete but profession based selection of life partner is an undeniable reality. Can you imagine Aishwarya marrying a sweeper and Akshay marrying his son with a maid? (No matter how many movies they act in talking of open mindedness and that love is blind)

Arranged marriages have earned the wrath of youths in recent times, but the concept behind them isn’t that hard to decipher. In Indian context, marriage is not just an intercourse of two bodies, it’s a unification of two souls and two families/societies. Hence :

1. Decisions of marriage were not taken single handedly. They involved the entire family, and all those who live in a happy joint family, know pretty well what kind of joy a marriage brings in a family. Indian values can never allow you to sacrifice that joy for your lust.

2. Parents look for a good cultured family for marital association. Hence, no matter, whether a girl ever managed to see her future hubby, marriages were always 100% successful since it was like mating of two cultured youths having same values and sanskars and aspirations from life. In present scenario, this equilibrium has been disturbed since firstly, cultural values are at their all time low and parents themselves want their son/daughter to be mature/shrewd/smart/whatsoever in the walks of life and secondly, increased affinity for a sexually satisfied life has hyped the hopes from a marriage unlike previously where sex wasn’t the only thing one looked in his/her life partner. A cultured wife/husband almost always was able to satisfy needs other than sexual in a marriage by sure. (Guarantee of ample sex and overjoyed life wasn’t there though but that wasn’t the thing looked after as well in the fellow mate)

3. Indian parenting is phenomenal and I aver my views stated here pretty confidently. So much of love is there, that at later stages of life, parents expect to take the decision of marriage in their own hands, purely for the sake of welfare of their own child, then that is pretty natural and obvious. It is their love. They mind all Ps and Qs just not to get cheated. Please don’t compare our parents and family ambience with that in the west.

Above stated reasons also elucidate why love marriages are not attuned in Indian context. In west, they are OK since you don’t live with your family right from the time you attain control of yourself, but in India, you just can’t let go your parents who brought you up, for a newly developed love of yours. When you were unable to be of those with whom you lived till now, I doubt you would ever be so loyal to the one you currently date.

The unparalleled exuberance for love marriages incited by virtue of bollywood movies in 70s’ is now at a low once again and arrange marriages have once again captured their forte as I see in recent times. Reasons behind this need to be scrutinized. Indian parents were caring enough to patron love marriages and the son used to bring his newly married wife at home only to find out that his love is not at all compatible with his parents. Similar is the outcome of arranged marriages too. The prime reason behind this failure is the difference in cultures and loss in family values that has aroused. I would not go in details of the present scenario of wife/husband chemistry since it is more of a personal issue where even minutiae details matter the most. Son in law still lives with his own family and daughter in law leaves her family, still now, hence the holistic performance of family mostly rests upon how well daughter in law adjusts herself. The Indian concept of service (sewa) are seen with contempt or have deteriorated. Womenfolk prefer wearing the shoes of a working lady rather than being an ideal daughter in law who makes all ends meet just to serve her in laws, her children, her husband……

The image of ideal Indian mother and Bahu that we saw till 80s’ is in perils. Parents as well as the husband found themselves deceived. I have interacted with families who went for arranged as well as love marriages, very few are satisfied and few are able to look for an image of ideal Bahu in their in law. Young generation is perspicacious enough to scramble indifference under the veneer of spurious culture (sanskars), and you rumble the real mendacious nature of your in law/ beloved only after you live actually with her for a sufficient period of time.

Live in relationships are incomprehensible in Indian context as our values resent pre marital sex since sex isn’t the only thing we look in a marriage apart from its vulgar repercussions in a family atmosphere.

But love/arranged marriages are diminishingly fructifying these days as I have seen it in innumerable cases. Time is high where we espouse a new system of marriage where we consent both partners equally to know each other within the restraints of system. Here is where, I support Live in relationships. But this live in relationship won’t be of the type Saif – Kareena are currently living in (They have copied it though). We need to devise a enhanced modus operandi where our middle class families are compatible and the right and equality of both the genders is maintained as well.

The live in relationship of the type shown in the Telugu movie Bomarillu fits pretty well in our Indian culture and fulfills all requirements of Indian families/ bride/ bridegroom without any biasing. It is a much better window to know the future in laws as compared to the present system of arranged marriages

Marriages compose an integral part of Indian society since a happy marriage only confirms the foundation of a happy family. Family is one thing we won’t ever compromise in our Indian culture, so we need to change this current system of arranged marriages since it is no more viable today.

We Indians seriously need to formulate a better scheme of marriage, or the present system of arranged marriages is leaving everyone dissatisfied to such an extent that the western wind of Live in relationships would soon take its toll over entire society. (Enormous increase in pre marital sex and post marital affairs is an outcome of this frustration only).

We need to come out from the orthodoxy that has crept in our society. We require to transform for the sake of our culture. And fortunately our culture permits us to change for the better.

A Pernicious Trend

Both in my school life and college life, I have been a witness to the fact that glamour sustains victory. When a teacher used to ask a question, the spontaneous (but knowing less) guys used to blabber whatsoever they can vomit while the shy (yet genius) always preferred to be reserved.

Similarly, when it came to wooing girls, the shy used to just talk formally with girls while the fundoo guys with glamorous accessories and impressive (modern) style used to throw jokes, do publicity stunts solely for the purpose of making fool of the girl. Being a batchmate and having good acquaintance with both the shy and the wag, I always found the results to be other way round. The shy one was more intense and pure in his feelings. But the girl always chose to go with the smart one who can always keep her smiling and offer her a ride at his (may be borrowed) bike.

I used to empathize with the fate of that girl for having lost a true friend and may be a life partner

Same was the case I found in the recent flick – I hate Luv Stories. Sonam fell in love with Imraan for no obvious reasons. He was a liar and was no virgin, but that made little difference to her. He just made her laugh, did some publicity stunts at the pub and all of a sudden she feels that the magic has come back. It was very unclear, Which quality allured her – if she just got wooed by his stunts, showy tricks, then I really feel pathetic for her. She was ready to leave a sober, successful and above all an honest beau who was not even curious to know about her horrible past and was ready to accept her in all her forms.
The analogy and contrast set by white and red flowers was once again unclear to me, may be in this case she never told her beau and to Imraan – she did.

Once again a cultured, shy and honest guy lost against a dishonest, not at all serious but humorous guy

Let me know, what do you feel

P.S. : I find a similar situation even in professional life. If you don’t entertain others with spicy jokes, they take no time in declaring you boring and somber. Contrast this with the prophecy in Ramayana by Goswami Tulsidas where he says that in Kalyug, wags would be preferred over serious work oriented persons. So true!!!!

Fed Up Of Moving On

Once upon a time, just a year back, I was in Kahalgaon which is a remote village in Bihar with profoundly pandemic penury all over. The first impression you might derive by dint of this is pretty obvious but the story is other way round. That bout of stay in Kahalgaon, that arcadian life, was the golden phase of my life.

You cannot ostracize but face the vicissitudes that your job puts you into and farcical are all your efforts and prudence to circumvent any such change as they are indelible in one’s life. Their incumbency only prodded me to abort that place for a transfer to a new place which was a city, in fact.

Big smoke may sound alluring but so far there have been no such gestures. This post commemorates the completion of one full year since I first put my steps in Kahalgaon (Bihar in fact) and contrasts the drastic differences that I find in initial three months of stay at both the places

Where the friends out there were supple in nature having innocuous tenets and simple outlook, here I find the guys with widespread propensity to lambaste any damn thing that is in disagreement with them. Their rapacious affinity to schadenfreude has stultified me from exulting or relishing though I managed to bag a few good friends. Friendship is more of a quest - to search for allies rather than some genuine true-to-life cohorts. This preposterous state of theirs has stymied my scruple from befriending them. Hence, within three months of stay at both the places, I find I had grooved well in there with veritable friends and the sublime stupendous ambience vis-a-vis the sordid atmosphere here. I don’t know, may be their formidable incredulous portrayal has flummoxed my mind inundated with hang over of the past.

Last itinerary to home just a few days back also put me spell bounded but had to move on once again. Hiding the pain of these frequent moves under the veneer of spurious exuberance has made me jaded of the beauty that surrounds me. I am not able to appreciate it anymore. Why don’t the good days just linger?

Anyways, my condition is such that even if some one offers me that pathetic plant as a quid pro quo to this India’s first super critical plant, I won’t give a second thought, in tandem to the trepidation of this nemesis of mine.

Truly said - There may be 8 billion people on this earth, but sometimes you need just one!!!