Why Do Indian Men Rape ?

Delhi Rapes might have awakened the long slept junta but the truth remains that similar instances in the past were just news to us. We read the headlines of some minor getting raped and moved ahead. We read that the rape victim is yet to get justice and moved ahead, but never reacted. No votes were cast on this issue and no government fell on this ground. We are like this only. Until a problem grows to behemoth proportions to finally reach our own homes, we just don't give a damn to it. This is how we Indian people have evolved in the past few decades. Empathy is one virtue that has totally left us and Pathetic is the only word which comes to my mind when I see ourselves through the mirror of reality 

 Problems faced by society are almost always a product of society itself. Before I start any analysis of the issue, let us have a look at the kind of society we have evolved into. 


 1. When it comes to question of security, women have always been a victim of whims of men. Girls are advised to stay at home and not to go outside after dark because we fear that their security might be compromised. We have been following this practice since ages. I have seen brave brothers accompanying their sisters in a Rail journey just because it is not safe to travel alone and their sole task in this entire exercise being picking up their sisters from one place and dropping them to another place. Even elderly women don't travel alone. Once again, this trend is in practice since ages. We fear and fear since long. Cowardly are the solutions that we have devised. We have only imposed regulations on womenfolk. Instead of coming out in open and fighting for this unjust system where there is no freedom of movement to women, we have only taken cowardly actions of retreat. Surprisingly, we do this with pride with no zeal whatsoever to change it ever. This is the society we have evolved into and very proudly we pass it to our future generations with no shame whatsoever. Modern generation turned out to be a bit more smarter. Instead of creating a safe environment and a safe society by everlasting efforts, they preferred to secure their family alone. They worked hard for Civil Services, they turned the world upside down for a Sarkari job so that the power interests of the family against the society using Police or system as instruments are secured. No efforts or even thinking whatsoever by the educated youths of the country for this highly unjust system. We have simply adapted to it and accepted it as a way of life. 

 2. When it comes to morality, women are once again a victim of epic restrictions. I have seen women sweltering in the hot mid day temperatures of +45 degree Celsius but they are forced to perform daily chores wearing a tight blouse and a 5 meter long Sari with 10 additional items. We fear as if when given freedom, negligibly clad women would start roaming out in the street open. When a man fantasizes a voluptuous actress, its perfectly normal but if a girl is ever found fantasizing a six-pack abs, she is a slut. No amount of literacy earned by any Degree at any corner of the world by Indian males could ever change their perception on the self-determined definitions of the sanctity of women. No matter how many sexual encounters an Indian male might have made before marriage, an Indian girl is considered Jhuthi if she has ever had any experience of sex before marriage. All highly educated males invariably search for unbroken seals. Even our terms are derogatory to the dignity of women. where Fuck in English means a mutual act, its counterpart in Hindi can only be used by men to express the physical prowess they might have exerted over some women. So much is our mind boggled with medieval ways of treating women that when it comes to expression of women's internal desire for sex, we always take a derogatory approach. Exertion of sexual desires makes a girl slut even amongst the company of her modern male friends, while the vice-versa is always taken as a joke or expression of natural desires by male friends infront of their female friends. Where oral sex is a mutual act supposedly enjoyed equally by both partners, We Indian men take it as a personal achievement. Remember the scene from the movie "Delhi Belly" where as the actor announces that he had had oral sex in the past, everyone looked upon the actress as if she has done a crime, at the same time actor was standing with pride as if getting sucked has made him won some war of ego. A girl exposed her mouth and a boy exposed his genitals in the DPS MMS but all ruins had to be suffered by the girl only Even supposed intellectuals like Aamir Khan could not prevent such derogatory depiction of woman. This is the kind of filth that is filled in our minds when it comes to giving equal rights to woman.

 3. Norms set in the society are equally derogatory. In the absence of Purusharth in Indian youths, false definitions and false representations is all Indian men are carrying upon their shoulders. Invariably all Gaalis contain womanly terms and a man is expected to show valor when inflicted upon with any such exposure. Not been able to show it is taken as a sign of Namardaangi. A newly married Indian man is considered Mard only if he controls rather suppresses his wife. If this wife gets too expressive or rebellious, people blame the husband. Obviously Men develop an urge to control their wives in such an environment or they would be labelled as Joru Ka Ghulam. People fear. people fear that if she becomes desirous and expressive, she might become out of control. Indian men failing to perform at bed, take the other route of suppressing their wives and hence silencing her. Women are not supposed to demand for more pleasure. Brothers are expected to save their sisters, less because of duty and more because of the pressure that has been created upon them. Hence in a group of girls, a girl can say to her friend that her brother looks hot but if the statement is given by a boy in his group of friends, the boy is expected to do a fight or he would be labelled as weak. Obviously, it isn't that a girl does not love his brother, its just that everything in our society circles around woman. Ironically, This is the only act of valor an Indian man is supposed to possess, forget about fighting at the borders or fighting corruption. Indian parents are more than happy if the Bahu is well trained by her husband and serves well. A small height ugly girl can never expect to get a model type husband even if she might have achieved all her aims while vice-versa is a common scene in our society. 

Dignity is everything a girl is supposed to save for her entire life and her tryst with society starts at this juncture. Dabangg youths when failing to acquire a woman through gentlemen-ship, target at this sanctity and taking it away is considered as a proper revenge inflicted upon a rebellious female. More than half of rapes occurring in rural areas are a result of this woman's tryst with dignity and the herculean task of not getting it stained. A typical man having been insulted by everyone he meets outside, shows his frustration or the "Mardaangi" by beating his wife. Upon rejection in love from a beautiful girl, we Indian men find the only manly way to retaliate by throwing acid at her face and taking away all the pride she plausibly showed by virtue of her excess beauty. This is the kind of values we have developed over these ages

 4. Bollywood is no far behind in making of our society what it is today. Bollywood is also a reflection of how Indian men see women. An actress in her 30s is considered to have played her innings, more so if she gets married. To satisfy this lust of Indian men, actresses have to dance in mini skirts even in the valleys of Switzerland and perhaps dancing at 5 songs is all they do in a movie. Frieda Pinto can never hope of becoming a main stream actress but Katrina Kaif is the number one heroine for obvious reasons. 100 years of Indian cinema have only whined about Jawani and how to enjoy it. almost every line in a typical song has sexual connotations as in Jawani beeti jaaye, Raat kaise kategi, Gori jawaan ho gayi, Milan abhi adhura hai, Chunri chhoti ho gayi or Choli tang ho gai. These few lines form the origin of tonnes of Bollywood songs. Almost every movie since 1970s has a rape scene and a najayaz Aulad issue. Invariably all our movies show that an actor was able to get an actress by misbehaving or eve-teasing which later developed into love. Obviously this would have impact on society and in absence of guidance, Indian youths who take themselves no less than an actor, follow suit. Typecasting done by these movies is another issue. Indian widows have progressed enough to wear coloured sarees, but in an Indian movie or TV serial, we still find a widow wearing a white saree. These stupid directors just cant grow 

 5. This could be my personal view. At times I feel that there is a juxtaposition of two drastically contrasting cultures in metro cities like Delhi. At one side we have flamboyant females believing in freedom through all possible ways, more in following west perhaps (which is their natural right as per me) and on the other side we have those rural workers, who have only seen women clad in entirety and now could not comprehend why is deepika playing Holi in hot-shorts, living the fast paced hard faced life of Delhi away from their female counterparts coping with satyriasis. Not able to fulfill natural corporal desires and unable to suppress them too, they have turned into beasts. I think that whatever happened in Delhi was a culmination of improper fencing between those innocent girls and these frustrated beasts 

6. This is the most important development that has taken place in society as per me. Any person, male or female, reaches puberty at an age of Thirteen. From then onwards, sexual desires are no longer in control of common masses. This is what drives their instincts in the coming years. Different societies dealt with it in their own ways. Indian society dealt with it through early marriages like by the age of 18 while western society dealt with it by removing all possible taboos that might have gotten attached with this one particular word - "Sex". Both are correct in their own ways. Problem is with the hybridization that Indian society faced. Indian youths now can no longer think of meeting their natural desires before achieving some financial security. Unfortunately, it takes a little too much time and in cities, a male has to wait for minimum 26-27 years before he ever encounters the most divine instrument God created to make life possible on this Earth. Very unfortunately, our society has totally disregarded this fact and what our parents only do these days is to mount pressure on these internally dissatisfied youths. This is a gross disregard and violation of Human rights as per me. No wonder why, in absence of proper control, these youths turn into beasts at many places. This is perhaps one of the root causes of what is happening with our society. Once married, these beasts take doing sex as their moral right with complete disregard for the consent of the partner

 7. Another important development that has taken place is the complete lack of fear in these rowdy beasts. Somewhere, in their unconscious minds, they know that nothing would happen to them either because of the backing of their influential parents or simply because of the absence of Law and Order. It is utter nonsense to say that clothing acts as a catalyst. I ask, if some female IPS walks in provoking clothes, knowing that she is an IPS, would you ever rape her? No, even if you are heavily drunk. Society should never give Talibani interpretations or very soon male dominance would require girls to walk in streets with all their body parts covered or don't come out of their homes at all. Their is absolutely no limit to how low a degenerate society can go. Reason for rapes is never the clothing, its just the dirty thinking that has generated out of utter disregard for the status and dignity of womenfolks. Some of my colleagues said that the rapes occur because girls are enjoying freedom a little more than required and they should not come out of their homes late at night or always be with someone related. My only answer to them is that there is no end to a beast's cruelty. The ones who are arguing that girls should not roam with their boyfriends, what is the guarantee that your wife wont be raped even while roaming with you. Seriously, there is no end to atrocity and one should never think of no-sense solutions like this 

 Blaming the society is never the answer, so, I have tried coming with solutions as well  

1. Changes should address the root cause. One fine night, when I was interacting with my colleagues over Rapes in India during my night shift, I was surprised to find that most of them thought that girls only instigate boys to come and grab them by being over-expressive. Some of them even thought that what is the need for girls to come out of their homes at night when they know that there is no security. I can only say that quest for sex is a natural human desire and we should never take a medieval approach when it comes to giving equal rights to women. They have their desires too and it is their right. Suppressing their right only means we are not men enough to face them on equal terms. Be a man. Just because a girl is expressive doesn't mean that we have got the right to suppress her will and rape her. Forcing a girl to do unwanted sex is a crime even if it is done against a prostitute, society should learn to appreciate this fact. We have to respect women and their desires. 

I wont ask for enacting a new law as we already have enough. I would only ask people to come out of their homes and stop taking things the way they are. If girls are not secure at night, then what kind of society we are building in? That girl who got helpless at midnight just because she got late at work or couldn't get any conveyance, can be someday our own sister too. Preventive approach is a sign of defeat. Curative measures is the need of the moment. Don't expect police to be present at all places. Instead teach your own children not to take advantage of a helpless girl at midnight. Revolt is a necessity now. Indian society has perished and rotten, it will rot further to finally reach our homes if we won't rebel against these norms. 

 If we wish to become developed, we need to develop a society where our own sister could walk the streets of a city alone past midnight without fear. That would be real development 

 Respect women and instead learn to control and oust once own frustrations instead of imposing them on women 

 2. Once again, how could a beast learn to respect women when he is internally suffering form intense phase of satyriasis. I request society to consider those beast's state of mind as well. Root cause is frustration. Either follow the Indian way or the western way but please don't follow norms that turn a human into a beast. Indian society has failed to evolve at this particular juncture. Unfortunately our Bollywood movies expose us to too much porn. So, the Indian way of self control or early marriages is no longer possible. Removing the taboos attached with Sex is one thing our society is still not willing to do acting unconcerned about the needs of their own wards. This frustration of a modern youth only is the leading cause of pre-marital affairs that we see these days. Analyze the problem psychologically. I am not giving any suggestions but I am definitely requesting to be rational . One of the solutions definitely could be to shed all taboos attached with words like "Izzat" , "Sex" etc. A society exposed to pornography of epic proportions can not keep both things together. Choose one - the taboos and the Ancient culture where no rapes happened or the East-West amalgamation with no taboos. By Dignity or Izzat, I mean to say that Dignity should not be given so high a status that we start treating rape victims as having lost everything in life (Unfortunately taboo attached with Izzat makes a forceful penetration in a girl's life, her life long curse)  


3. Thinking needs to be changed. Bollywood should understand that women are not items of consumption. Their depiction in movies as that of an entertainer who does Bharatnatyam, Kathak, Disco, Swimming in bikini and all other things instead of doing acting, should be stopped.


 4. I also came across people who gave absurd suggestions like provocative clothing by girls is the sole cause in all the instances of city rapes (they say this proudly while disregarding the situation in villages). I must say that not being gone through such a torture, it is very easy for a male dominated society to come up with such solutions. If clothing alone is a factor then Miami must be the rape capital of this world. I would say that drinking by men is also found to be a common factor, why not to ban alcohol instead? Here is where entire "man"kind would flock to give other versions of rape and its causes. 


 Finally, my only request with every sensible empathetic person who wishes to change this country is to revolt. Don't take the things the way they are. Question them, analyze them and finally if it's wrong, strive to change them. Never follow/make norms that look at preventive side of the problem. It is our duty to make this society, these roads, these buses, these gardens, these offices enjoyable and liveable for everyone. That is the only way for being really developed. If we will instead ask "what was that girl doing outside in the market, so late at night?", then we are running away from our own cowardice. Let us all be Manly in our behavior. Change has to be from within.

The Exact Difference Between Anna And Ramdev

Corruption consorts in the blood of Indian Beauracracy. Regrettably in our country, youths prepare for IAS more to enjoy the power, money and the aura that confines this post rather than serving the nation. Nehru-Gandhi family had interminably been accused of corruption and, by and large, nothing comes as a revelation when some survey declares India to be one of the most corrupt nations, we all know this as we ourselves are a part of it

Essentially surprising was the sudden surfacing of Anna hazare at the horizon of "Breaking News" segment and the henceforth generated furore. Pretty confounded I was when I saw someone fighting for corruption or infact demanding for implementation of a particular bill; and the unfathomable attention that the media gave to it. More surprising was the way government succumb to his desires and authorized him to the path of glory

Mesmerized by the immense glamour that Anna received, Baba Ramdev followed suit. Raising a more sensitive issue like Black money in Swiss banks, could have made him the desirable leader but the story turned the other way round

Before I commence reaching out conclusions, let me enunciate that Indian masses have been a perpetual victim of being stabbed at the back. Right from Nehru to Rahul Gandhi, we were always made fool by some populist acts while our leaders were flying to Switzerland with sacks full of dollars. So neither I believed that Anna is Honesty personified nor do I sensed some ulterior motives in Ramdev fasting. I always supported the cause

While the public was exhilarated upon the avatar of Anna, everyone cried foul as Ramdev declared his anshan at the Ramlila Maidan. How can a sanyasi enter into politics were the questions being asked and Ramdev should better mind his Yoga business were the conjectures being offered. The very first discrepancy started from here itself. Despite a huge supporters base (that was responsible for making the Anna's movement a grand success), the common man alienated himself alleging him of being a dhongi and surrendering to the glamour or rather suspecting this to be his first step towards entry into politics

The second and the biggest difference was the staunch Hindu image that Ramdev delivers. Brinda Karat has taken pride in alleging Ramdev's medicines to be fraud and commissioning raids at his centres since long, just to woo CPI's muslim voters. Similar was the case here. 5000 policemen were sent at 3 am post midnight without any prior notice just to preclude the seasons of Anshans and thwart with terror the motives of all those who dare to do so. Pros and cons were punctiliously contemplated. Had Ramdev died that night, stories would have very well been concocted to prove that Ramdev died in stampede while eluding, thus defaming him as a fugitive and simultaneously cinching colossal felicity to its muslim vote bank. We are living in a country where Shakaracharya is arrested just on the day of Diwali and oblivious Hindus don't give a damn to it (Can you imagine some Imam being apprehended at Eid?) Why else would a force of 5000 policemen be sent to the Ramlila maidan? Since when peaceful anshans have become a threat to national security? Ramdev was well aware of this, perhaps this has been in his habit since Karat's days; So, the only option left open to him was to stay alive and fight rather than die in anonymity

Most imperative of all; Ramdev being a novice in politics, failed to reckon the epic popularity his arrest could have blessed him with. Upon seeing 5000 policemen surrounding you at post midnight, anyone could have panicked to this amount. The sweat on his face that was derided as that generated due to fear, was actually due to his valor that motivated him to jump at the centrestage over and over again. Does anyone of us dare to do so infront of 5000 policemen? I personally believe that he shouldn't have absconded in Salwar Kameez, but does that make him a coward? Was Shivaji a coward when he changed his appearance and reprieved from the prisons of Aurangzeb? Was Subhash Chandra bose a coward too? His dress may be a point of argument but his escape definitely shouldn't.

Lastly, Where Anna's acts are canvassed by an IPS, a Lawyer and an IITian , who was there with Ramdev? Giving something so volatile and that too to colubrine Kapil Sibal in writing, only shows Ramdev's immaturity and the government's deviousness.

All I say is that when a juggernaut of stranglers is behind a handful army of yours, waging guerilla war doesn't make you a candy-ass. Subash Chandra Bose contributed to this Nation's independence only by being alive and Shivaji borne conviction and audacity in the Marathas only by standing amongst them rather than dying in anonymity.

It's just that the government and the people gave Ramdev a step-treatment

The Wrong Cinema

Perhaps a common man is preordained with paucity of originality and the grit to lead. Hence is why, history is congested with atrocious leaders and preachers of platitudes. An obsequious ordinary man, confounded over his own style statement, follows the celebrities; He tries spikes because his favorite star did so, smokes/drinks because the brave brat in his favorite movie tried so and sometimes observes passions like singing/dancing purely because by doing so a hero in a particular movie managed to bag a sexy mate; perplexed or perhaps ignorant of his original mandate, blindly asserts views expressed in widespread media as his own.

Precisely speaking, a common man is deaf and dumb when it comes to possessing proto voice of concern. Since eternal times, leaders and preachers have utilized this as a tool to propagate their self interests. Any thing that is common amongst the commoners inspires them to behave over issues they are oblivious of and if that common thing is pumped with strategy, it can go a long way in controlling the thoughts of masses. Cinema is one such thing and Bollywood in particular has warped the way we live over the past decades

Personally, I consider Bollywood as another piece of shit, responsible for almost all the bad things that are happening around us. I would be dealing with how the wrong cinema changed our emotional sanctity and behavior which should have otherwise been original

The hard truth is that there is nothing inventive in Bollywood cinema. Post Independence, when there was an opportunity to rise from the ashes, it created blunders instead. Starting with the predilection for west, western concept of love marriages is the predominated theme of almost 99% movie garbage that our Bollywood produces. Arranged marriages were made to believe to be an orthodox Indian practice and lovers were depicted as real heroes. Indian parenting saw an all time low in the movies per se when parents were almost always prevaricated as the enemies of the young buds.

Similarly, a swimsuit wearing actress was supposedly more modern and a Saree clad woman was typecast as Sati Savitri. English speaking hero is progressive and pure Hindi is, still, spoken in comedy scenes only; where we proud Indians mock our own culture. Childhood version of the actor or the son of the actor always went to a convent school where the Christian father had a larger than Buddha image. Raheem kaka and D’souza aunty are always religious and humble together, while a pundit is always dhongi and greedy. This all has been typecast to such an extent that even the truth that - Christian missionaries are involved heavily in conversions and be it a Mullah or a pundit, anyone can have any type of character, seems to be camouflaged by these images in a common man’s mind.

Larger than life depiction of sentiments and anticipations has made us emotionally and enthusiastically numb. It is sort of a crime when you show false dreams to a poor man about snowy Switzerland wherein his love interests dances in shiffon Sarees, larger than Buckingham palace like houses and the stories of those who live in them, black-belt actor who manages to tackle 20 goons at a time and a young child who goes against the system and finally seeks justice by killing the villain who raped his sister/killed his father. Rather than showing simple real stories of a down to earth protagonist, our Bollywood movies were just making protracted exaggerations. All Indian women are largely progressive but Bollywood is mainly responsible for typecasting them as pati-parmeshwar-dependent-sati-savitri. Movies like “Water” highlight issues which were existent only for a small period of time but project them as key features of Indian Culture.

Someone might ask, public is mature enough to look behind the scenes. I would say a big NO. We all look for inspirations around and in the absence of a purified ambience and responsible parenting, which is generally the case, we look for ideals in celebrities. So even if being scantily dressed is considered obscene even today, we look upon Mallika as an ideal and are eager to meet her at some point of life.

When I was a child and had limited toys and little chocolates to boast of and when I saw movies where the actor used to fill an entire room with toys for his yet to be born ward, I often used to think that my parents don’t love me. As I became mature, I realized that my parents loved me enormously in their own simple ways. Nonetheless, a larger than life image ruined my childhood predomination. Similar is the thinking of a girl when she sees the actor singing senti songs at Rakshabandhan for her sister and expects nothing less from her brother. This happens and it’s natural. Problem is the way in which we present the cinema. Incessant emotional overdose makes Bollywood movies clumsy, and hence despite the reality that an average Indian man is shy in expressing his love, Bollywood makes songs where a son sings in praise of her mother, a husband sings an emotional shayari for his wife. This all stokes expectations of the counterpart and the frustration of the protagonist. At some point we all were clouded with the thinking that we are not able to live the right relation forgetting the spirit of uniqueness the God has endowed in each and every individual

Cinema-making is an art and upon watching Hollywood movies, one can sense it. Mention of realistic and motivating classics that came up occasionally and exceptionally in Bollywood has been deliberately avoided

Comprehensing Marriages in Indian Context

Marriages had substantiated merely to the status of an anachronistic petty experience in the occidental corners of globe but scouring for protracted relationships, a person in east is still inundated with trepidations of its fruition/failure and quests for elysian bonhomie in the gamut of marriage per se

Paucity of innovative influx in our Indian society has flummoxed our minds to such an extent that at present we are invigorated just being obdurately jingoistic for a scantily left culture. Unfortunately we assort to a similar act by blindly supporting arranged marriages. But that definitely is not what Indian culture is, we had emanated from a diversified panorama of ideas, a mélange of people from various castes and creeds but having individual freedom of thought as its preliminary tenets. We certainly need to revolutionize to elicit indigenous originality of adapting and assimilating the best

Firstly, let us know what our culture exactly says. As widely and wrongly propagated in west, Indian culture doesn’t endorse tying the knot of two unknown youths seeing each other for the first time only after marriage, at rosily-decorated-beds and that too at night (Suhaag raat as we say it). Peeping into the history, we find that womenfolk enjoyed utmost freedom while selecting bridegroom in the form of Swayamvar and there had been innumerable instances when a girl left her home if she felt that her choices were being suppressed. Infact, Lord Sri Krishna himself motivated her sister to go for Arjun. Similarly, marriage was more of a personal matter and at times, a family matter. Like, Lord Ram didn’t took permission of his parents while marrying Devi Sita and similar is the case with Lord Krishna

Much is said about caste based marriages. We need to ruminate over it as well. In Vedic times, castes were decided by profession. So, it is pretty natural that an intellectual would fall in love with a person of matching genius. Hence just like a Research scientist finds love in his/her fellow scholar who he/she meets every now and then, a pundit used to marry a pundit. Caste may have become obsolete but profession based selection of life partner is an undeniable reality. Can you imagine Aishwarya marrying a sweeper and Akshay marrying his son with a maid? (No matter how many movies they act in talking of open mindedness and that love is blind)

Arranged marriages have earned the wrath of youths in recent times, but the concept behind them isn’t that hard to decipher. In Indian context, marriage is not just an intercourse of two bodies, it’s a unification of two souls and two families/societies. Hence :

1. Decisions of marriage were not taken single handedly. They involved the entire family, and all those who live in a happy joint family, know pretty well what kind of joy a marriage brings in a family. Indian values can never allow you to sacrifice that joy for your lust.

2. Parents look for a good cultured family for marital association. Hence, no matter, whether a girl ever managed to see her future hubby, marriages were always 100% successful since it was like mating of two cultured youths having same values and sanskars and aspirations from life. In present scenario, this equilibrium has been disturbed since firstly, cultural values are at their all time low and parents themselves want their son/daughter to be mature/shrewd/smart/whatsoever in the walks of life and secondly, increased affinity for a sexually satisfied life has hyped the hopes from a marriage unlike previously where sex wasn’t the only thing one looked in his/her life partner. A cultured wife/husband almost always was able to satisfy needs other than sexual in a marriage by sure. (Guarantee of ample sex and overjoyed life wasn’t there though but that wasn’t the thing looked after as well in the fellow mate)

3. Indian parenting is phenomenal and I aver my views stated here pretty confidently. So much of love is there, that at later stages of life, parents expect to take the decision of marriage in their own hands, purely for the sake of welfare of their own child, then that is pretty natural and obvious. It is their love. They mind all Ps and Qs just not to get cheated. Please don’t compare our parents and family ambience with that in the west.

Above stated reasons also elucidate why love marriages are not attuned in Indian context. In west, they are OK since you don’t live with your family right from the time you attain control of yourself, but in India, you just can’t let go your parents who brought you up, for a newly developed love of yours. When you were unable to be of those with whom you lived till now, I doubt you would ever be so loyal to the one you currently date.

The unparalleled exuberance for love marriages incited by virtue of bollywood movies in 70s’ is now at a low once again and arrange marriages have once again captured their forte as I see in recent times. Reasons behind this need to be scrutinized. Indian parents were caring enough to patron love marriages and the son used to bring his newly married wife at home only to find out that his love is not at all compatible with his parents. Similar is the outcome of arranged marriages too. The prime reason behind this failure is the difference in cultures and loss in family values that has aroused. I would not go in details of the present scenario of wife/husband chemistry since it is more of a personal issue where even minutiae details matter the most. Son in law still lives with his own family and daughter in law leaves her family, still now, hence the holistic performance of family mostly rests upon how well daughter in law adjusts herself. The Indian concept of service (sewa) are seen with contempt or have deteriorated. Womenfolk prefer wearing the shoes of a working lady rather than being an ideal daughter in law who makes all ends meet just to serve her in laws, her children, her husband……

The image of ideal Indian mother and Bahu that we saw till 80s’ is in perils. Parents as well as the husband found themselves deceived. I have interacted with families who went for arranged as well as love marriages, very few are satisfied and few are able to look for an image of ideal Bahu in their in law. Young generation is perspicacious enough to scramble indifference under the veneer of spurious culture (sanskars), and you rumble the real mendacious nature of your in law/ beloved only after you live actually with her for a sufficient period of time.

Live in relationships are incomprehensible in Indian context as our values resent pre marital sex since sex isn’t the only thing we look in a marriage apart from its vulgar repercussions in a family atmosphere.

But love/arranged marriages are diminishingly fructifying these days as I have seen it in innumerable cases. Time is high where we espouse a new system of marriage where we consent both partners equally to know each other within the restraints of system. Here is where, I support Live in relationships. But this live in relationship won’t be of the type Saif – Kareena are currently living in (They have copied it though). We need to devise a enhanced modus operandi where our middle class families are compatible and the right and equality of both the genders is maintained as well.

The live in relationship of the type shown in the Telugu movie Bomarillu fits pretty well in our Indian culture and fulfills all requirements of Indian families/ bride/ bridegroom without any biasing. It is a much better window to know the future in laws as compared to the present system of arranged marriages

Marriages compose an integral part of Indian society since a happy marriage only confirms the foundation of a happy family. Family is one thing we won’t ever compromise in our Indian culture, so we need to change this current system of arranged marriages since it is no more viable today.

We Indians seriously need to formulate a better scheme of marriage, or the present system of arranged marriages is leaving everyone dissatisfied to such an extent that the western wind of Live in relationships would soon take its toll over entire society. (Enormous increase in pre marital sex and post marital affairs is an outcome of this frustration only).

We need to come out from the orthodoxy that has crept in our society. We require to transform for the sake of our culture. And fortunately our culture permits us to change for the better.

A Pernicious Trend

Both in my school life and college life, I have been a witness to the fact that glamour sustains victory. When a teacher used to ask a question, the spontaneous (but knowing less) guys used to blabber whatsoever they can vomit while the shy (yet genius) always preferred to be reserved.

Similarly, when it came to wooing girls, the shy used to just talk formally with girls while the fundoo guys with glamorous accessories and impressive (modern) style used to throw jokes, do publicity stunts solely for the purpose of making fool of the girl. Being a batchmate and having good acquaintance with both the shy and the wag, I always found the results to be other way round. The shy one was more intense and pure in his feelings. But the girl always chose to go with the smart one who can always keep her smiling and offer her a ride at his (may be borrowed) bike.

I used to empathize with the fate of that girl for having lost a true friend and may be a life partner

Same was the case I found in the recent flick – I hate Luv Stories. Sonam fell in love with Imraan for no obvious reasons. He was a liar and was no virgin, but that made little difference to her. He just made her laugh, did some publicity stunts at the pub and all of a sudden she feels that the magic has come back. It was very unclear, Which quality allured her – if she just got wooed by his stunts, showy tricks, then I really feel pathetic for her. She was ready to leave a sober, successful and above all an honest beau who was not even curious to know about her horrible past and was ready to accept her in all her forms.
The analogy and contrast set by white and red flowers was once again unclear to me, may be in this case she never told her beau and to Imraan – she did.

Once again a cultured, shy and honest guy lost against a dishonest, not at all serious but humorous guy

Let me know, what do you feel

P.S. : I find a similar situation even in professional life. If you don’t entertain others with spicy jokes, they take no time in declaring you boring and somber. Contrast this with the prophecy in Ramayana by Goswami Tulsidas where he says that in Kalyug, wags would be preferred over serious work oriented persons. So true!!!!

Fed Up Of Moving On

Once upon a time, just a year back, I was in Kahalgaon which is a remote village in Bihar with profoundly pandemic penury all over. The first impression you might derive by dint of this is pretty obvious but the story is other way round. That bout of stay in Kahalgaon, that arcadian life, was the golden phase of my life.

You cannot ostracize but face the vicissitudes that your job puts you into and farcical are all your efforts and prudence to circumvent any such change as they are indelible in one’s life. Their incumbency only prodded me to abort that place for a transfer to a new place which was a city, in fact.

Big smoke may sound alluring but so far there have been no such gestures. This post commemorates the completion of one full year since I first put my steps in Kahalgaon (Bihar in fact) and contrasts the drastic differences that I find in initial three months of stay at both the places

Where the friends out there were supple in nature having innocuous tenets and simple outlook, here I find the guys with widespread propensity to lambaste any damn thing that is in disagreement with them. Their rapacious affinity to schadenfreude has stultified me from exulting or relishing though I managed to bag a few good friends. Friendship is more of a quest - to search for allies rather than some genuine true-to-life cohorts. This preposterous state of theirs has stymied my scruple from befriending them. Hence, within three months of stay at both the places, I find I had grooved well in there with veritable friends and the sublime stupendous ambience vis-a-vis the sordid atmosphere here. I don’t know, may be their formidable incredulous portrayal has flummoxed my mind inundated with hang over of the past.

Last itinerary to home just a few days back also put me spell bounded but had to move on once again. Hiding the pain of these frequent moves under the veneer of spurious exuberance has made me jaded of the beauty that surrounds me. I am not able to appreciate it anymore. Why don’t the good days just linger?

Anyways, my condition is such that even if some one offers me that pathetic plant as a quid pro quo to this India’s first super critical plant, I won’t give a second thought, in tandem to the trepidation of this nemesis of mine.

Truly said - There may be 8 billion people on this earth, but sometimes you need just one!!!

A Very Special Poem

Rarely it happens that you come across a person with which you develop a relation as compatible as your own siblings. During my stay at Kahalgaon, I came across a similar person – Naveen Kumar. Words fall short if I ever think of describing the support he gave to me during the worst of my times.

We all were destined to separate, and after we are miles apart, Naveen has written a poem dedicated to me and my importance in his life. It feels so nice when someone considers you this much important. I am delirious. Let the poem say everything:

Zindagi ne Aisa rang khilaya mujhe tumse milaya…
Ajnabiyon ke beech apna sa paya…
Logon ke beech par logon se alag sa nazar aaya….
Be-suri dunon ko tumne sur dilaya…

Meri nadaniyon ko bachpana bataya, aur miujhe jeene ka rasta samjhaya…
Khwabon mein aa ke bade bhai jaisa sneh barsaaya….
Iss duniyan ki kathnayiyon aur matlabipan se jujhana sikhaaya….
Raste to the kai, par sahi rasta to tumne hi bataaya…
Birthday pe tumhare hi idea ne surprise karaya..
Achi dosti kya thi ye tumko pa ke hi samajh mein aya..

Zindagi ne phir apna rang dikhlaya..
Iss aage badhati hui life ne alag hone ka time batlaya..
Jab tumse alag hua to inn akhon ne mess ki rahon me, club ki sadkon
mein, edc ki raste aur tumhare khali room mein tumhari talash ki…
Nahi mila to tumhari yadon se hi baat ki..

Maine bhi un galiyon, us ghar , us jagah ko chhora..
Kuch yadon se muh moda..
Nayi jagah pe fir se naya jivan sanwaara..

Office mein tumhe to nahi par tumhar hidayaton aur salah ko sath paya..
Unhi ko tumhara ansh samajh ke apne se himaat rakhne ko kehlaya..
Tumhari sneh, dosti, adaon, care ne hamesha yadon ko taja karaya..
Aur tumhe maine apne bagal mein hi baitha paya…

Suuni sadkon pe sath chahiye..
In andhere galiyon ko abhi bhi tumhari prakash chahiye..
Suraj nahi sahi, par chand jaisi roshni ki talash hai..
Iss jindagai mein kabhi-kabhi milte rehana yahi ek aas hai..